The past few weeks I've had more than enough time to think about everything one person could possibly think about. I think the most when I lay down at night and can't sleep. Most of the time I think about the future. I mean everyone does that. And sometimes I think about all the little choices in life. All the choices I've made recently. A few weeks ago, I was firm with my decision to go on a mission. I started my papers, I told the facebook world about my decision, I had a friend take my picture, I scheduled to get my wisdom teeth out, and I got excited about the whole experience.
However, recently I haven't felt as strongly that this is what is right for me. Don't get me wrong, I know without a shadow of a doubt the Gospel is true. I just have taken time to think about everything coming up. My original plan before the announcement was ever made, was to go to Idaho, get swept off my feet by some amazing guy and live happily ever after...but that definitely did not happen. When the announcement was made, I think every girl thought at that moment that they would be a missionary. Then the month passed and those feeings dwindled. That was the case with me. I thought about it alot, I prayed about it, but not enough to truly decide. When I got back to Fresno in December I wondered what I was going to do with my life for the next four months. I went to the Singles ward and one of my friends Janelle told me she decided she was going on a mission and she met with the bishop that day. And in that moment I thought, you know, I should really think about it. I fell under the spell, "all my friends are doing it" and I made a rash decision and put it on facebook. And for those next few weeks I got more and more excited about it. I told quite a few people, and they told me how excited they were for me.
Then the month of February came; a.k.a. the month of doubt.
On the seventh (not too long ago) I got the wonderful opportunity to get the wisdom teeth yanked out.
Which was a lot less dramatic than I thought; thank goodness. And with that came a lot of time to sit around and do absolutely nothing. I mean NOTHING. The routine was basically, eat, take pills, sleep, eat, take pills, sleep. And that lasted a good three-four days. Within that time I also spent alot of the time laying there thinking about everything. I thought about the real reason I all of the sudden thought it was in my best interest to go on a mission. Was it because I prayed and got a yes? Or was it because "all my friends are doing it"? Honestly, I truly believe it was the influence of my friends that took over. I looked at it like I either needed to be on a mission within the next year, or in a relationship, becuase that's what girls at BYUI think are their only options. And since I am nowhere near being in a serious relationship, I took it as a sign that I should go on a mission.
Today, and for the past few days, I've prayed about my future more than ever. And I keep getting the feeling that it's just not for me. I don't know what the Lord has planned for me, but I know that His plan is far greater than mine. And I am more than excited to see what he has in store for me.
My hope is that all those people that I told will understnad that what the Lord has planned will always be more important than a rash decision I make. He has my life planned out. And I will trust in Him.
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